They told me to marry
No, not told. More like hounded me to get hitched
At every gathering
Where there were one, two women or three
(Of course all conveniently married)
I would be the topic
As an outcast from the ‘Unity of The Ring’
There were the usual stories
About how an unmarried woman was incomplete
How she had many a need
How sexual non fufilment made her bitchy
How she wasn’t respected in the Nigerian society

I couldn’t tell them, they wouldn’t listen
That my job brought income figures in sevens and sixes
That my King Kong responded to a switch, varied speeds
And didn’t stop until I creamed
Or pleasure made me dizzy
That respect, especially this fickle society’s
Wasn’t all they made it out to be
Yet they kept telling me
Till it was either marry or lose my sanity

Then they told me
“See handsome Brother Tony
Morally upstanding and spirit filled, holy
A good godly man, he’s always been
A better husband he’ll surely be”
They tagged him as one to care for and treasure a gem like me
But nobody told me Church sometimes hid
Rabid wolves in religious clothing
Nobody told me, ‘born again’ could be a convenient theme
Amongst men, to hide the vilest sins
So I accepted to take his ring

Nobody warned me of the drink
Rude was the shock of my discovery
That Brother Tony’s anointing was powered by Whisky
There was no clue about the reckless gambling
Nobody told me about him being an unrepentant cheat
That battery was his favorite hobby
Our dear pious Brother Tony
Nobody remembered to mention to me
The savagery and terrible injuries he liked to inflict
In his desire to plunder a damsel anally
In fact nobody said anything
About the real Brother Tony Lowkey

I tried to confide in ‘Mummy’
During our numerous attempts at counseling
That ‘feel good’ show every Thursday in the Pastor’s office
But each time I brought up my misery
She always replied, “keep praying Sister Titi
For patience, tolerance and the spirit of long suffering”
She even let me in on a secret
That nobody, not one of the Sanctified Sisters had it easy
But each stood firm and did their duty
“A good wife prays for grace to face the marital journey
Regardless of how bent its road becomes or rocky”
So she told me

To cut short my long story
I stayed put and grudgingly bore my burden
Prayed and fasted for a day plus forty
And when Brother Tony showed no sign of stopping
I bought me a new friend aptly named ‘Pointy’
Kept him under my pillow, for the next emergency
That came on the night of Friday, July the fifteenth
When Brother Tony came home randy and tipsy
Ready to play his usual game of ‘Backdoor Rapist’
Voila! To my defense sprang ‘Pointy’
A quick introduction as flesh met steel, shiny
There was a brief grunt, as a belly got emptied
They say murder happened that night, at Number Twenty

I looked the judge in the eye, as I plead not guilty
This was one case of consequences
I was a helpless victim of such circumstances
That could have been avoided if somebody had listened
A situation that wouldn’t have been
If somebody had not kept pushing my button
If only they had let me live my life in peace
Blame this on them, one, two women or three
Who made it seem a sister was not fit to breathe
Unless she bore the title ‘MRS’

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11 thoughts on “ONE, TWO WOMEN OR THREE

  1. Nice one,Uncle Dodo.
    I feel so sad all of a sudden.
    I’ve never experienced the “go and marry” nonsense but I know friends who have. Even parents don’t help matters sometimes. Marriage should come when and if it will come. No pressure. Sigh

  2. Sigh.
    This is real. Scary, but real.
    Happening everyday, in more homes than we think.
    No one knows what many couples are hiding behind the smiles, the aso ebi at every outing, the Oscar-award-winning acting…
    Again, sigh.

    Beordoon, the way you write…. b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l.

  3. True Nne. God help us all. Meanwhile, this your comment is a seed…falling into the rich brown humus of someone’s mind…shall we water it and watch it grow?

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