DOUBT

Doubt. She is that wench with whom I have a love/hate relationship as I progress on this writing journey.

Just before I put pen to paper she floods my soul with thoughts like “this can’t be good”, “so you think you can write?” and so on. Then when I think I’ve delivered a masterpiece, she heckles me endlessly to snip and patch, erase and rewrite, until sometimes the final product is hardly recognizable from the starting material. She never lets up, never, like a freaking slave driver.

But I see the love in her actions. I see that she only wants me to hone my skills till I become like a stiletto. I see that she pushes me to jump higher with each nudge, till I reach beyond those limits that are mere constructs of my rational mind. Even when she tries to hide her caring behind a nagging voice, I see she only wants me to excel, because she knows that only the very best survive. For that I’m grateful to have her entrenched in my heart.

She’s outside getting some air now, but I’m sure she’ll be back in a minute or two, ready to needle me some more till I get back to grinding, when I’d rather sit and admire the heights I achieved yesterday. She never looks back, but only believes in being prepared for tomorrow, and that’s why I love her so.

Dear Doubt, may you never lose your edge, and may I never cease to listen whenever you rant. May our love/hate continue to drive me forward, may it always goad me to be better and strive for excellence, until the very end of time.

Amen.