Excerpts of Something Silly (2)….

Excerpts of Something Silly (2)….


Photo Credits – Google

“Suzanne, its past nine o’clock and you’re still here hammering the keyboard as if day just broke. Won’t you go home?”

Startled, Suzanne looked up from her screen, removed her glasses and yawned, then rubbed both of her tired eyes before putting them back on. She had been engrossed in the piece she was editing.

“It’s past nine? Wow! I didn’t know that madam.”

She managed to infuse just about the right amount of surprise and sincerity in her voice, and from her boss’s reaction it worked

“I’m sure you didn’t. I was on my way out when I heard movement in here and I thought to pop in and shoo you off. Now pack up and go home my dear, your baby is waiting.”

At the mention of baby, Suzanne smiled. She knew Mrs Tamuno was referring to her husband.

“Yes I know ma. Let me quickly finish this page and i’ll be on my way.”

“Good. Make sure you don’t waste time. As a young wife you should be licking honey with the mister at home by this time instead of slaving away in this office. This is the time to enjoy your husband before the children come with their wahala and we won’t deprive you of it. I remember when I just got married; I would count down to closing time every day as I couldn’t wait to go home to my husband…”


Her voice trailed off as she reminisced with a wistful look in her eyes. Then she continued.

“This is the time to collect my dear, collect and collect enough of the strong thing. Don’t waste the opportunity because soon, family, life and all other sundry worries will come to rob you both of the joys of intimacy. Now is the time to do it and do it well, every time and everywhere, before the magic wears off and you’re left with only excuses and memories. Trust me, I know.”

Her last words had an ominous ring to them.

“Thank you ma. I’ll do as you say and make hay while the sun is up.”

Mrs Tamuno winked conspiratorially.

“Good girl. I’m on my way out. You drove right?

Suzanne nodded.

“Okay then, lock up after you, and have a wonderful night.”

She winked again.

“I will. Thank you for the advice and have a safe drive home ma.”

Suzanne sat with the smile plastered on her face as Mrs Patience Tamuno gingerly walked away on her high heels in the direction of the exit. Her boss always looked uncomfortable in heels, but never seemed to wear anything less than four inches. Once the exit door closed however, the smile disappeared and she returned to the screen with a sorrowful shrug. She was too engrossed in work to notice her boss looking at her through the office window few minutes later, a worried look on her face.

One hour later, Suzanne was still pounding away at her keyboard, and it didn’t look as if she was any closer to going home.


Someone knocked on the door, interrupting her runaway train of thoughts. Before Suzanne could ask whoever it was come in, the door opened a crack and her boss poked her head in around the edge.

“Hi there busy bee, mind joining me in my office for a quick chat?”

And she was gone.

A few minutes later Suzanne was seated alone on the visitor’s couch in madam’s plush office. Madam was on the phone at her desk, and had surprised her by indicating she sit on the couch instead of on one of the black straight backed chairs on the other side of her expansive and shiny mahogany table. Something was definitely up.

Madam got off the phone after a few minutes and joined her curious subordinate.

“How are you dear?”

“Very fine ma.”

Suzanne’s response was tentative and her boss noticed. She smiled to put her at ease.

“Relax please, there’s no problem. I called you in here for an unofficial matter. I know it’s not my business, but I have a duty to worry about your welfare, especially considering the fact that you’re one of my best hands. I hope you won’t be offended.”

Suzanne smile of consent wasn’t so sure, but her boss continued.

“Why is it that you’re always reluctant to go home?”

“Reluctant? Me? No. With all due respect, that’s not true. I’ve just been very busy lately, more than the usual…”

“Suzzanne, calm down and listen to me. I know you well, as I should as you’ve worked with me for a long time. I know how it was before you got married and immediately after your wedding, and I know how it is now, and has been for a while. You come to work looking as if you need rest, and you work so late, even when we really don’t have anything requiring urgent attention. Is there something you’d like to share with me? Please feel free, and forget I’m your boss. Talk to me like a sister, what’s really going on at home?”

The room fell silent for a while. When Suzanne spoke again her voice was trembling.

“It’s..it’s Alali, my husband.”

The concern on madam’s face deepened.

“Your husband? What about him? Is he ill? Does he beats you?”

“No ma, he’s well. He doesn’t.”

“Then what about him?”

Suzanne slowly cracked her knuckles while she ruminated on how best to proceed.

“I’m sorry, but it’s sort of embarrassing.”

Madam smiled reassuringly.

“Don’t worry my dear, there’s nothing new under the sun again. Whatever it is, say it as best as you can.”

“Okay ma. See, we were both virgins when we met, and we both agreed to stay chaste until we got married. As you would expect I was looking forward to our very first sexual encounter, but when it finally happened on our wedding night, it was more chalk than cheese. The act itself was a painful ordeal, but I put it down to inexperience and eagerness. I’d read up on how painful getting rid of the hymen could be and I thought I was ready, but nothing could have prepared my body for what happened that night. Alali was brutal in taking his pleasure, and left me battered and bleeding. His humongous member and the fact that he had very little patience worsened matters. I left the bed after that first time feeling as if a shredder had torn a path between my thighs. It was horrible, but not as horrible as the feeling of his club poking at me again just fifteen minutes later. That was how he went on all night.”

She paused and inhaled deeply to regain some composure.

“I believed things would get better as we got familiar with each other and the novelty wore off but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Every time we had sex, the same thing happened. It’s like a demon possesses my husband and takes control of his loins. He just goes on and on, tireless, tearing into me as if he’s bent on breaking me into two. What makes it worse is that he always seems to be in the mood. You should see him religiously checking with me to see if my period is over, so he can get back to regular transmission. I’ve tried hints, I’ve tried talking, but nothing works. All he wants to do is bang. I’m afraid of what will happen to me if and when I get pregnant. That’s why I’ve been avoiding him when I can, because that seems the only way out for now.”

The room fell silent again.

A minute passed, then two, and still the silence persisted. Suzanne was expecting her boss to say something and when she didn’t get any response, she looked up from fiddling with her wedding band to see why. Madam had a faraway look in her eyes, and she tried unsuccessfully to try and guess what thoughts her story had unearthed in her boss’s mind.

Not even in her wildest imaginations would she have dared to imagine that at that moment, madam desperately wanted to switch places…

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